MOVING FROM “I DO,” TO “I FORGIVE” – AN EXPLORATORY STUDY ON THE PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS AFTER SPOUSAL INFIDELITY

Abstract

Infidelity is a serious issue affecting married couples. In Singapore, infidelity has been on the rise, and local agencies are seeing an increased number of cases involving issues of infidelity in recent years. Although forgiveness has been recognized as an important factor in the healing of the individual and their relationships post-infidelity, it has not often been used in therapy (Gordon and Baucom, 1998; Fife et. al, 2013). Gordon and Baucom’s Synthesized Model of Forgiveness (1998) provides a secular and elaborate account of the forgiveness process which holds the potential of aiding social workers to understand their clients better, and possibly incorporate the process of forgiveness into therapy. This model posits that forgiveness is a three-stage process, with each stage comprising of relevant cognitive, emotional and behavioral factors. In this paper, a qualitative study was carried out with 9 participants who discovered their spouses’/ ex-spouses’ infidelity at least one year ago. Participants were asked to recount their experience of forgiveness from the time they discovered the infidelity. The study findings suggest that the model provides insight to possible cognitive, emotional and behavioral components experienced by individuals when they have discovered infidelity in the marriage. Importantly, forgiveness post-infidelity also appear to be achieved when certain cognitive tasks, as stipulated by the model, are achieved. However, the study finds that Gordon and Baucom’s Synthesized Model of Forgiveness (1998) may not be experienced in a linear manner – individuals can move back and forth between stages, and may also experience components from various stages simultaneously. Additional factors such as faith and family were also prominent factors observed in the local context to have an influence on individuals’ process of forgiveness post-infidelity.