POST-DIVORCE EXPERIENCES: THE UNTOLD STORIES OF THE MEN

Abstract

This research aims to understand men’s post-divorce experiences. While the literature on divorce mainly draws on the accounts of the women, this study aims to fill the gap by focusing on the lived experiences of the divorced men in Singapore. Specifically, this study is based on a gender comparison perspective using semi-structured qualitative interviews. By juxtaposing the stories of the women to the men, this study allows a gendered understanding of the post-divorce experiences regarding motives of divorce, coping strategies and post-divorce parenting practices. Qualitative results show that the motives for divorce differed greatly across gender. As more women cited behavioural motives, such as violence, drug and alcohol abuse and infidelity of their ex-husband, whereas men are more likely to get divorced due to relational problems, such as not being able to talk, growing apart and not having enough attention. Secondly, Coping strategies are also greatly gendered. Although both genders can find support from their personal communities, women often have greater community support. Lastly, parenting practices reveal that despite the divorce, parenting remains an important institution for both men and women, and that both genders face difficulties with post-divorce parenting. Single-mothers must cope with the additional role of parenting, while single-fathers seek ways to stay involved with the child. It is found that both genders have been successful in navigating the changes. Finally, a call for policy review is made to rethink the ways we treat divorced men.